[Intro]
Everybody's righteous
Everybody knows
Everybody found a villain
Everybody strikes a pose

Left says right is fascist
Right says left's insane
Everybody loves the truth
When truth confirms their name

I tried to find the good ones
I really fucking tried

[Verse 1]
Rich hate poor
Poor hate rich
Boss hates workers
Workers bitch

Everybody wants what's fair
Till somebody else gets their share
Call it justice, call it pride
Mostly envy dressed up nice

The rebel sells the rebel brand
The preacher needs a bigger stand
The humble brag, the cynics sneer
Everybody wants you to hear

[Pre-Chorus]
Give me colors
Give me names
Every tribe plays the same games

I searched the whole damn universe
People are the worst

[Chorus]
I hate everyone equally
That's my kind of equality
No exceptions, no relief
No special status, no belief

I hate everyone equally
Every branch of humanity
No one better, no one first

I hate everyone equally
PEOPLE ARE THE WORST

[Verse 2]
Church and mosque
Temple, shrine
Everybody's got the grand design

Cross and crescent
Wheel and star
Everybody knows what answers are

Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Jew
Buddhist, Sikh, and atheist too
Pray to gods or call them lies
Humans still pick fucking sides

Sacred books or disbelief
Both can turn to smug relief
Different answers, same old thirst
People are the worst

[Chorus]
I hate everyone equally
Perfect inclusivity
Saint or sinner, rich or cursed
People are the fucking worst

I hate everyone equally
No selective hostility
No one better, no one first

I hate everyone equally
PEOPLE ARE THE WORST

[Verse 3]
Give them money
They want more

Give them power
Watch the door

Give them followers
Watch them preach

Give them freedom
Hear them screech

We want mercy when we fail
Want the other bastard jailed
We demand nuance for our side
Judge the stranger at first sight

Everybody thinks they're kind
Everybody's open-minded
Everybody loves free speech
Till you say what they don't like

[Breakdown]
Maybe you're not righteous
Maybe you're just mad

Maybe they're not evil
Maybe someone has what you had

Maybe half this moral war
Is envy dressed in better words

Maybe underneath it all
People are the worst

[Bridge]
And don't say I think I'm better

I'm petty
Jealous
Stubborn
Vain

I hold grudges
I complain

I judge too fast
I want to win
I'm every bit as human

So count me in
Fair is fair

[Final Chorus]
I hate everyone equally
INCLUDING YOU
INCLUDING ME

No exceptions, guaranteed
Universal misanthropy

I hate everyone equally
Finally some unity
No more teams and no more sides

We're all assholes deep inside

I hate everyone equally
Hand in hand across the Earth
One great truth for all humanity:
PEOPLE ARE THE WORST

[Outro]
No discrimination
That's my policy

I hate everyone
Equally
